You've got a friend. Do you really?

Blacksburg HS Friends

"When you're down and troubled 

and you need a helping hand

and nothing, whoa, nothing is going right.

Close your eyes and think of me and soon I will be there

to brighten up even your darkest nights." 

lyrics from You've Got a Friend sung by James Taylor

The lengthy article in Rolling Stone last week about a young woman's "bad experience" at the University of Virginia (UVA) is disturbing on so many different levels.  Her horrific date that turned into a gang rape at a fraternity house. The inaction afterward. The fact that over 100 students have been expelled from UVA for violating the honor code while not one student has been expelled for the dishonorable practice of violating female students in the same time period. The degrading song that was banned less than five years ago--my alma mater is one of the schools that is mentioned! It's all so upsetting, and should spur much needed change at UVA and other campuses across the United States. 

And yet, as I read the article, there was another part of the story that I found equally disturbing that has received little to no national attention, but is something for us all to think about. What is it? Friendship.

“Winter, spring, summer, or fall,

all you got to do is call

and I'll be there, yeah, yeah, yeah.

You've got a friend.”

The victim in the story, Jackie, reached out to her friends (?) for help. Did they take her to a hospital? Did they encourage her to go to the police? No. They were more concerned about their social status at the university than about the wellbeing of their friend. 

RMWC Friends many years later!

Their behavior made me reflect on the many times I visited UVA and other campuses to attend parties and dances when I was a college student. And, I thought about the numerous instances when my friends at the time had my back. Thank you, my lifelong college and Blacksburg girlfriends!

What can you do to watch out for your Jackie, Hannah or Morgan?

A good start is to follow the 3 key tips from No Hokies LeftBehind, a group effort between Virginia Tech Police Department, Blacksburg Police Department, Blacksburg Transit, Interfraternity Council, Pan-Hellenic Council, Virginia Tech Corps of Cadets, Virginia Tech Athletics, and Virginia Tech Office of Emergency Management.

Their mantra: Go with Friends, Stay with Friends, and Leave with Friends.

To be a good friend, I would also add to this list, listen to your friends, help your friends and check on your friends. These six tips mean that you will be there for your friends, just like James Taylor sings.

Make sure when a friend hears the words of this song, she or he will think of you.

Be there. Always.

“You just call out my name,

and you know wherever I am

I'll come running, oh yeah baby

to see you again...

You’ve got a friend.”