Remember Mary

These words from Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone were on the back of the funeral program. She was only 25. She must have liked Harry Potter. We had to sit in an overflow room, and it was hard for me to hear much about her. The mid-sized country church was so packed with family, friends, and locals, or in our case, 20 fraternity brothers and their significant others. We all came to say goodbye to Mary, celebrate the brief quarter century Mary was with us and show our support for her husband, parents, aunt and uncle and first cousins.

Since I am old enough to be Mary’s mom, I could empathize with her parents, and we knew them. My husband went to Virginia Tech with them and shared many memories of time spent with Mary’s dad at fraternity events over 30 years ago. It was heartbreaking to learn of the accident, to sit in that church and to visit with Mary’s family afterwards. What do you say? What will ease their pain? Although I have a deep faith and am rarely at a loss for words, I was speechless…all I could manage was to hug them.

Why was this loss so very hard? Mary died due to a fun Memorial Day on a river with her two first cousins gone wrong. I heard that as they ended their time at the river, they drew straws to determine who would drive. They had all been drinking. Mary’s cousin got the short straw, and the next thing they knew, Mary was on life support, one cousin suffered a brain injury and had other medical complications, and the cousin driving faced legal issues. Like I said before, heartbreaking.

This grim story is a reminder to all of us. Whenever we think of Mary, let's remember these four lessons:

Make choices for a designated driver. If you plan on consuming alcohol, then arrange for a member of your group to stay in a condition where operating a vehicle is legal.

Ask a loved one or friend to come get you. The time of day doesn't matter. Where you are doesn't matter. Even if you are a few hours away, those who care will come.

Remember MARY. Get help when you need it, so you can be here to celebrate many more Memorial Days with your family and friends. If your designated driver isn't in the best shape, make the call to someone else for assistance.

Yield to good choices. My husband, Charles, always said this to our children when they were in high school whenever they were leaving to do something with their friends, "Make good choices." As you're having fun with family or friends, follow the same advice.



The next time you find yourself wondering if you should drive home after drinking with friends, remember Mary. Always have a designated driver. ALWAYS. And if the designee has been drinking too, call someone who cares about you and ask them to come get you. The time it will take to get there to pick you up doesn’t matter. Choose being safe over concern about causing a friend or loved one trouble. That trouble is definitely worth it to have you alive and well. Be sure that you make a smart choice.

If this blog post saves just one person's life, sparing family and friends the heartbreak that those who know Mary and her family continue to endure, you will have honored Mary and her family in one of the best ways you can...

By saving your own life.

Rest now, Mary, in peace.