Remember Mary

These words from Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone were on the back of the funeral program. She was only 25. She must have liked Harry Potter. We had to sit in an overflow room, and it was hard for me to hear much about her. The mid-sized country church was so packed with family, friends, and locals, or in our case, 20 fraternity brothers and their significant others. We all came to say goodbye to Mary, celebrate the brief quarter century Mary was with us and show our support for her husband, parents, aunt and uncle and first cousins.

Since I am old enough to be Mary’s mom, I could empathize with her parents, and we knew them. My husband went to Virginia Tech with them and shared many memories of time spent with Mary’s dad at fraternity events over 30 years ago. It was heartbreaking to learn of the accident, to sit in that church and to visit with Mary’s family afterwards. What do you say? What will ease their pain? Although I have a deep faith and am rarely at a loss for words, I was speechless…all I could manage was to hug them.

Why was this loss so very hard? Mary died due to a fun Memorial Day on a river with her two first cousins gone wrong. I heard that as they ended their time at the river, they drew straws to determine who would drive. They had all been drinking. Mary’s cousin got the short straw, and the next thing they knew, Mary was on life support, one cousin suffered a brain injury and had other medical complications, and the cousin driving faced legal issues. Like I said before, heartbreaking.

This grim story is a reminder to all of us. Whenever we think of Mary, let's remember these four lessons:

Make choices for a designated driver. If you plan on consuming alcohol, then arrange for a member of your group to stay in a condition where operating a vehicle is legal.

Ask a loved one or friend to come get you. The time of day doesn't matter. Where you are doesn't matter. Even if you are a few hours away, those who care will come.

Remember MARY. Get help when you need it, so you can be here to celebrate many more Memorial Days with your family and friends. If your designated driver isn't in the best shape, make the call to someone else for assistance.

Yield to good choices. My husband, Charles, always said this to our children when they were in high school whenever they were leaving to do something with their friends, "Make good choices." As you're having fun with family or friends, follow the same advice.



The next time you find yourself wondering if you should drive home after drinking with friends, remember Mary. Always have a designated driver. ALWAYS. And if the designee has been drinking too, call someone who cares about you and ask them to come get you. The time it will take to get there to pick you up doesn’t matter. Choose being safe over concern about causing a friend or loved one trouble. That trouble is definitely worth it to have you alive and well. Be sure that you make a smart choice.

If this blog post saves just one person's life, sparing family and friends the heartbreak that those who know Mary and her family continue to endure, you will have honored Mary and her family in one of the best ways you can...

By saving your own life.

Rest now, Mary, in peace.

Your Values - Are They Your North Star?

3 recent Hokie grads: Sydney, Rebecca and Maggie

One series of events that we can count on to occur every May and June are college and high school graduations. Most graduation ceremonies include a speech made by a celebrity or school connection like the one Eric Schmidt, Google Executive, gave at the Virginia Tech May 2015 graduation. He tied words from Metallica into his speech…appropriate wisdom for Hokies who hear Enter Sandman to get us pumped up at athletic events, especially when our football team runs on the field. 

Recently, I saw an article sharing favorite parts from several 2015 graduation speeches, including one given by Tim Cook, Apple CEO, at George Washington University.

“Graduates, your values matter. They are your North Star. Work takes on new meaning when you feel you're pointed in the right direction. Otherwise, it's just a job. And life is too short for that. We need the best and brightest of your generation to lead. There's opportunity to do work that's infused with moral purpose. You don’t have to choose between doing good and doing well."

Tim Cook’s quote stuck with me. Values do matter so much. They are a critical reference point as you start on the next phase of your career journey. Values are one of the key areas we point a student to explore if figuring out majors or career directions. I really like the metaphor of the North Star. How long has that constellation been a guide for explorers? For runaway slaves in the US who used the North Star as a guide to "follow the drinking gourd?" And, for lost outdoor enthusiasts when without some other directional device like a compass or a GPS? Values can be your North Star as you determine your career or major. 

As you choose a career, why are values important? Many of us spend most of the hours we are awake at work. If your work doesn't fit your values, you probably won't be happy. How do I know this? My own experience. As I began the journey to my career, I worked in various roles in banks. Although I never took an assessment at my college career center, I knew my top value was a passion for helping others. I tried to convince myself as I made loans or helped a customer figure out the mess that was their overdrawn checking account, that my key value was being met. But it wasn't...it was happening in a way that was too shallow to suit me.

So, I went back to school, got my MBA, and then directed marketing and PR for a hospital for almost four years. Again, I tried to convince myself that I was helping people through events or promotion that I created and implemented for the hospital, but that still wasn't enough. Finally, I found my place in higher education where I directly help students through teaching and advising. My career journey took several twists and turns, but I eventually found the right fit for my key value.

How about you? Unsure what your key values are? We use a number of different tools to help students get in touch with their values. We can assist you by pointing you to complete a quick inventory, do a values card sort or take an assessment, MyPlan, that addresses values as well as skills, personality type and interests.

One values activity I used with our career decision making class in the past was the "My House" values exercise which I learned about from an academic support program the VT Student Success Center used to run. It's a fun activity to get a bit creative as you consider your values, so take out a blank piece of paper or use a blank computer screen and get started:

If you feel like you want to talk more about your values as you plan your next career move, one of our career advisors can assist you. To get started with your self-exploration, give us a call to make a phone appointment or meet in person: 540-231-6241.

A final thought comes from a quote by William Shakespeare, "To thine own self be true." May your North Star be your guide as you pursue the next steps in your career journey.