You've got a friend. Do you really?

Blacksburg HS Friends

"When you're down and troubled 

and you need a helping hand

and nothing, whoa, nothing is going right.

Close your eyes and think of me and soon I will be there

to brighten up even your darkest nights." 

lyrics from You've Got a Friend sung by James Taylor

The lengthy article in Rolling Stone last week about a young woman's "bad experience" at the University of Virginia (UVA) is disturbing on so many different levels.  Her horrific date that turned into a gang rape at a fraternity house. The inaction afterward. The fact that over 100 students have been expelled from UVA for violating the honor code while not one student has been expelled for the dishonorable practice of violating female students in the same time period. The degrading song that was banned less than five years ago--my alma mater is one of the schools that is mentioned! It's all so upsetting, and should spur much needed change at UVA and other campuses across the United States. 

And yet, as I read the article, there was another part of the story that I found equally disturbing that has received little to no national attention, but is something for us all to think about. What is it? Friendship.

“Winter, spring, summer, or fall,

all you got to do is call

and I'll be there, yeah, yeah, yeah.

You've got a friend.”

The victim in the story, Jackie, reached out to her friends (?) for help. Did they take her to a hospital? Did they encourage her to go to the police? No. They were more concerned about their social status at the university than about the wellbeing of their friend. 

RMWC Friends many years later!

Their behavior made me reflect on the many times I visited UVA and other campuses to attend parties and dances when I was a college student. And, I thought about the numerous instances when my friends at the time had my back. Thank you, my lifelong college and Blacksburg girlfriends!

What can you do to watch out for your Jackie, Hannah or Morgan?

A good start is to follow the 3 key tips from No Hokies LeftBehind, a group effort between Virginia Tech Police Department, Blacksburg Police Department, Blacksburg Transit, Interfraternity Council, Pan-Hellenic Council, Virginia Tech Corps of Cadets, Virginia Tech Athletics, and Virginia Tech Office of Emergency Management.

Their mantra: Go with Friends, Stay with Friends, and Leave with Friends.

To be a good friend, I would also add to this list, listen to your friends, help your friends and check on your friends. These six tips mean that you will be there for your friends, just like James Taylor sings.

Make sure when a friend hears the words of this song, she or he will think of you.

Be there. Always.

“You just call out my name,

and you know wherever I am

I'll come running, oh yeah baby

to see you again...

You’ve got a friend.”

Personal Statements Decoded

Fact: Personal Statements are difficult to write.

Fact: Personal Statements are a crucial part of the graduate school admissions process.

Fiction: Without a traumatic, life-changing event, it’s impossible to write an effective personal statement.

If you’re like any other stressed college senior applying to graduate schools, the concept of a personal statement can be hard to grasp.  The thought of summing up your life experiences into a statement can be frightening. Relax- you’re not alone. And now read- all the in’s and out’s of an admission-winning personal statement is right here.

What is a personal statement? A personal statement is your own marketing campaign. It is a way to sell yourself in the application process, and a way to set you apart from the masses. When you’re applying, many other applicants will have your same test scores, grade point average, and extracurricular activities. This is the place to add something truly unique to your application package by letting your personality, experiences, and voice shine through.

The personal statement typically fits into one of two categories. There is the general, comprehensive personal statement, which is typical for medical and law school applications. The prompt for this statement reads like "Discuss any matters relevant to your ability to succeed in law school and the practice of law, and any attributes, experiences, or interests that would enable you to make a distinctive contribution..." The second type of response is much more specific, and asks you to answer a number of particular questions. This format is typical for business or master's programs. Regardless of format, there are certain general tips that can be used to turn your essay into a winning statement.

Step 1: Think about your life.

Reflect on what has happened in the past, what has led you to this point, and why you want to attend graduate school. You can ask yourself a number of questions, such as:

•       What is important to me?
•       What experiences have I had?
•       What qualities do I possess that are necessary for this profession?
•       What goals do I hope to accomplish by attending graduate school?   

Step 2: Write.

Start by brainstorming your achievements, career goals, leadership roles, and personal interests. Once you’ve done this, narrow the emphasis to one specific theme or point. Use that point to write your introductory paragraph, which then sets the stage for the rest of the essay. The introductory paragraph should hook and intrigue the reader. The following paragraphs should support and develop the theme you establish in the introduction.

Make sure you tell a story. Use your life experiences to write a narrative that leads the reader through your journey. Interweave these personal experiences with intellectual interests. As admissions committees plod through the piles of applications, personal statements that pique their interest, entertain them, and keep them interested are the ones that will stand out. Even if your experiences are similar to those of other applicants, if you can put a spin on your stories and draw unique lessons out of experiences, this can be an effective personal statement. Make sure you are avoid writing a narrative resume or telling your complete life story.

Above all, start early enough to go through several drafts. During the writing process, seek help from others. Ask friends and family members to read through your statement, or go to your school's writing center or career center for additional editing help. It never hurts to get fresh eyes to look at your statement! (Just make sure the writing is still yours.)

Step 3: Have you...

• Answered the question?
• Written well?
• Hooked the reader with your opening paragraph?
• Avoided cliches? 
• Been interesting?

If you can say yes to all these things, you’re on your way to an all-star personal statement! Good luck!

Make November your month to BE MORE

November is a special month for me professionally and personally. Professionally, it's National Career Development Month which career centers all over the world are observing. Personally, several important family members have birthdays this month. My mother, Mary Tom Long, MD, would have been 94 on November 3. Although much smaller in stature (maybe 5 feet 5 inches?) than her much taller daughter (me, at almost 5'10"), from a young age, my mother was "a force to be reckoned with," as my friend Meg describes her. A woman before her time, she obtained her MD in 1941 when only a handful of females were in her classes at the Medical College of Virginia.

It was kind of fun for me growing up to hear about my various classmates whom she brought into this world. Our house became sex education central where neighborhood kids would gather around the kitchen table to ask my mother all kinds of questions. I would bow my head from embarrassment as my mother answered each adolescent's question, while my mother didn't mince words or gloss over what she wanted us to understand about our bodies. And, it was exciting to see my mother end her medical career as the Regional Health Director for Southwest Virginia, still a female in a man's world, but a woman at the top tier of state administrators at the time. Talk about a role model!

My mother was fortunate to know the career she wanted to pursue at a young age. When she was 5 (that would have been 1925!), she said she was going to be a physician, and she made it happen. She spent much of her young life in her hero, Dr. Jones' office because she was so prone to ear infections, as there were no antibiotics at that time to ward them off.

Unlike my Mom, are you one of the people like me, who came to college with no idea of the major or career  you want to pursue? Career Advisors can help you do some exploration of yourself or of careers and majors. To get started, call 540-231-6241 and we'll set up an appointment for you to meet with an advisor. I know you can do research on your own and even take an assessment on your own, but if you come see us,

we can help you explore MORE.

If you're happy with your major, but want to test out your chosen career, and maybe do some shadowing like my Mom shadowed Dr. Jones and other health professionals, our career advisors can point you to tools and resources where you can get the experience you seek prior to graduation. Again, I know you can use LinkedIn, Google or other resources online to find experiences, but

we can help you experience MORE.

Still another way we're here to assist you, is your preparation for after graduation. My mom applied to medical schools after 3 years of college. We can help you prepare for medical school interview questions like the one my Mom was asked by a Dean of a medical school:"Why does a pretty little girl like you want to go to medical school?" Are you applying to graduate or professional schools? Are you seeking a full-time position? We know you seek advice from faculty, parents, peers, and others through this process, and they are valuable resources. As you put your plan for your future to work,

we can help you achieve MORE, whatever your future plan looks like.

MORE. That's it. We help you

explore MORE, experience MORE, achieve MORE.

You just have to take the first step to come see us, so sometime years from now, your child writes about the amazing impact you had, like the way my mother touched so many people's lives.

We're here to help - let us help you be MORE.

Final word for this post goes to my Mom. Two of her sayings that have stuck with me (I think she must have read Dale Carnegie's book, How to Win Friends and Influence People, although we never talked about what an influence that book had on me), and great advice for all of us:

Look for the good in others. 

If you can't say something nice about someone else, 

don't say anything at all.

Mary Tom Long, MD
November 3, 1920 - April 14, 2010